If you don't like it, get out!

I’ve said it before in real life (and, I’m pretty sure I will say it again), if you don’t like what you see or hear: move on.

Periodically we are all subject to the conversations of others. You know, you're within earshot of a conversation, and you can't help but hear every word being spoken. It's not that you are trying to listen in or disrespect their privacy (but if they really meant their words to stay private, they wouldn't be spoken in the company of others, right?), but it's there, and it's difficult to tune out. Fairly recently, I was at an event, sitting nearby a couple ladies having one of these conversations that I couldn't help but hear. And what struck me about their conversation was not the fact that I could hear it, but that I couldn’t stop listening to the gossip and negative conversations they were sharing. They spent the better portion of an hour spewing poisonous words; putting down this person and that person, followed by their expressions of hatred towards their jobs (be thankful for your employment!), and frustrations with husbands and/or family. There was not ONE single positive thing these ladies had to say. I kid you not. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I moved. I changed seats, and I got up and walked around. I was now out of ear shot of them. I no longer had to listen to their gossipy mean chit-chat. I made my choice: move my butt, so I no longer had to listen to these ladies.

I did not enjoy hearing them. I didn't make a big spectacle of it, but I picked myself up, and moved on. I moved to the other side of the room. I am happy I did, because these ladies sat there for another hour: I did not hear that last hour… Thank goodness.

My point in sharing this (rather vague) story is: if you don’t like what you see or hear, get out of there. I’ve had my fair share of negative comments and feedback thrown my way (whatever, brush it off), but I still can’t understand why anyone would continue to go back to something they hate. Why would you want to continue to perpetuate a relationship or situation with a person who is, in your opinion, never interesting? Is it just so you can join in the gossip? (Yes.) Calling people ugly and stupid is fun? I don’t know.

There is no guarantee there will be no backlash from walking away, but for goodness' sake, do it for your own sanity.

I’ve been trying my best this year to move forward after experiencing a painful backlash, continuing to work on myself and be a better (and bigger) person. Then I hear mean words spoken by perfect strangers, and even experience snide attitudes… And, I feel the instinctive urge to start pulling away. Instead, I ignore the bad. As much as I want to watch the train wreck of emotions, I don't want to end up hurt, again, so I ignore. I block it out. I will ignore it and not support it. There will always be mean spirited people out there in the world with weird, random, unrealistic and hateful things to say about you, even under the 'guise of "advice" or "clearing the air", but I choose to look away and ignore the hurtful things people will say about me. 

I choose to accept the fact that maybe not everyone I meet will like me (believe me, that’s the hardest part. I don’t like to not be liked… Or, even hated). But, whatever. I know me. I am a good person. I do have some friends that truly enjoy me, and I enjoy them. I can’t win everyone over (even when I want to). But, do I really want to? I don't believe anyone likes negative/toxic friendships, especially me… and, I don’t put up with them. So, I think I’m glad I can’t win them all over.

I speak my mind. 

     Yes! I do. 

I do have high standards. 

     Yup, I do. 

Yes, I believe in people, and expect greatness from great people… I think it’s important to remain optimistic especially when so many negative influences are out there to bring us down. 

I have great faith in others. 

     I don’t hide the fact that I do. 

          Heck yeah! 

I forgive, but don't mistake my forgiveness as forgetfulness. 

     I don't make the same mistakes twice.  

           Holy crap! 

I am extremely loyal. 

     Yes! 

I am never mean.  

     Never. 

I am happy.  

     Yes, I have bad days (especially given the year I've had), but luckily, there are a lot fewer bad days when I ignore all the negativity. I can and will focus on the positive. <3 p="p">

I have the brain power to hit delete to those mean comments, and I make the choice to ignore all the negativity.

The true ugly: mean.

Good {Girl}Friends

The number of close girlfriends I have has grown over the years. I used to feel alone and unwelcome in many social circles, but as I get older, I've learned that you have to be a friend to have a friend.

I went on a ladies weekend trip to Temecula with several of my closest friends last weekend. We stayed in an awesome house, ate good, healthy food, and drank awesome wine at two wineries. I was able to carpool with two of my closest girlfriends, and the conversation flowed.  We talked about toxic friendships, bettering good friendships, and the love that we feel for one another.

As many of you know, my best friend in the whole wide world lives 6,000 miles away from me. And while we chat online as frequently as we can, life gets in the way sometimes.  And those 6,000 miles distancing us does not make it easy to grab a coffee with your closest confidant and friend. I miss her. All the time. I long to have a closer friendship with her, and it literally hurts to not have my best friend nearer to me.

I have great friends that live locally.  In fact, they're all awesome and amazing. I love them like family. I have an incredible, loving, supportive, and caring husband that I love (and like). But these individuals cannot, somehow, fill the emptiness that my best friend, my soul mate can fill.

I loved connecting with two of my local girlfriends. They happen to be each others' best friends and soul mates, and they have an amazing relationship. And I envy the closeness they have. Mind you, I'm not the jealous type, but I do envy the fact that they live in the same town as each other, hang out several times a week (most weeks), and can call each other day or night, and not have to worry about what the time difference is.

Sometimes I think my friends forget about me. Maybe they assume I'm too busy to hang out during the week (which is sometimes true), or assume I have some sort of awesome social life they don't know about, or maybe they think I'm not interested in hanging out one-on-one.  I know I am guilty of not extending invitations into my home more often. I worry about the state of cleanliness of my home. With 4 pets contributing to the mess, it can get pretty hairy (pun intended), and I get embarrassed. So, I know it's my fault for not inviting friends over.

But, on the other hand, I do not receive many invitations to come over. I feel uncomfortable just inviting myself. I imagine people get anxious (as I do) to have friends over when their house isn't clean, and they might feel like they have to entertain me. However, the high standards I have for my own cleanliness don't trickle down to those of my friends and family... I could care less. I just want to be able to laugh and chill with my friends.

I have other friends that have schedules that really just do not coincide with my own. I read one girlfriends' blog, and wish I could be a comfort to her in all the crap she's had to wade through in the last few months. When I get to see these friends, good times are had. But in between, they are just sooooo busy, and I think maybe I am just too distracted to pursue their ever-changing schedules. I hope that these friends know that I care about them, and though we can't see each other very often, I think about them frequently, and miss their faces. I hope to work on getting together with them when I can...

You know, I sometimes I think my own family forgets about me too. Strained as some of my relationships with my family are, I hope that my family and friends realize that I need them... maybe they need me too? Speaking of family, my poor husband got a text yesterday (3 days AFTER his birthday!) from his own father, wishing him a belated Happy Birthday. Really?  Come on, REALLY?  This frustrates me beyond measure, but I realize that he is still family, and I will continue to be gracious towards him, even though I think the way he has treated my husband (his first-born) is unacceptable.

After conversations with my two girlfriends in the car (and dancing in the kitchen) last weekend, I confided much in them, and they in me. I expressed that I would like to be included in their plans more frequently. I think the three of us get along so well, and have so much fun together, and I love that I have these girls in my life. I think that they understand me, and I cherish that.

But still, they are not my L... 

{If you read this L, know that I think about you all the time, and I am sorry things have been quiet between us. I know you will tell me that I am being silly, but know that I love you dearly, and miss you all the time. I am working to show you that I am interested in the changes that are occurring in your life, and care about what you are doing, and that circumstances of my life and loss do not need to change the dynamics of our friendship. I still want to know everything, and want you to know how much I will love your little boy. I am going to be an Auntie, and I cannot wait!}

xoxo,
~Chelle

Blessings In Disguise

{Perception is based on the Individual}

 

The funny thing about blessings in disguise is that you never can prepare yourself ahead of time to be on the look-out for challenging times ahead.  Hind-sight will always be 20-20.  When faced with tough circumstances, and difficult choices, life can seem impossible... being able to look beyond your current feelings, inconceivable.

But then you emerge from the blinding storm, finding yourself somehow victorious, and able to see clearly all that has occurred.  Peaks and valleys - we all endure great highs and lows, but it is what you choose to do in the valleys of your life that defines you, and builds your character.

The past six months have been challenging on many fronts.  Friendships have been trying, dreams beginning to take flight have been swatted down by neigh-sayers.  Challenging months, yes, but life experience has taught me that good things come to good people that are patient.  So, despite the bouts with depression, stemming from my own self-doubt, coupled with negative energy spewing from others, I tried my best to not get sucked into the storm, rising above to forgive those that have intentionally, or unintentionally hurt me.

As a child, I was taught that being sorry is not a complete process without sincerely asking for forgiveness.  Same goes for forgiveness.  Saying "I forgive you" means nothing to the person you've forgiven if you are continually reminded of your wrongs, or even treated in a different manner!  Recognizing that some are not capable of ever truly forgetting harms done to them, sometimes we must turn a blind eye when we are reminded of our painful pasts.  Social terrorism, however, is completely unacceptable.

A social terrorist deliberately goes out of their way to make others' feel terrible about themselves, for no apparent reason, other than to get back at those they feel have harmed them.  Whether this behavior stems from a place of insecurity, I do not know, but I've known a few of these social terrorists in my short life... and am certain I'll encounter a few more before my days are over.  I wish I could avoid them like the plague!

Social Terrorists aren't always recognizable upfront.  Some disguise themselves as helpful acquaintances, others you can know for years before you recognize the spectrum of their true colors.  Some will even act like decent, trustworthy people, until they turn on you the second they begin to believe you are a foe.  Worse yet, some will even try to turn others against you too, convincing the weak-minded, and bullying the strong-minded into believing their lies.

Convince themselves all they like, I am not the bad guy.  I have never truly deserved any of the censure any social terrorist has bestowed upon me.  When did "eye for an eye" ever become okay?  I don't agree with this hurtful behavior, so, try as they might, the social terrorists I have encountered in my life have all but disappeared from my radar.  I have chosen remove myself from their toxic influence, without drama, if I can avoid it.  Sometimes the web they have woven is so complex, their hold is not so easily escaped, but I believe that once the truth is realized, those that are under the influence of said social terrorist will come around, if you continue to take the high road.

I am so blessed with relationships and friendships that will stand the test of time, and the warfare of social terrorists.  These friends will always be few and far between, and all the more cherished.  I know that these people love me for who I am, accept me at my worst, appreciate my blatancy, and have patience for my mess-ups.  All I need to do now is remind myself that I have this faith in them when factors come into play that challenge our trust and love.  All the hardship can sometimes be a blessing, sometimes in disguise.