Just like that. All the hoopla, joy, satisfaction, attention... gone. Like a rug has been pulled out from underneath you. And you're stuck again with the same old crap.
It must be what a drug addict feels like — endlessly searching for that high, the adrenaline that comes with temporary fame and glory. And then the huge letdown, the crash, until it begins again. Life is cyclical.
"Fame is fleeting. Obscurity is forever. I’ll take obscurity."
- Napolean
I have a full-time job, a husband, and a hundred responsibilities: there is never a shortage of bills to pay, or clothes to wash, or dishes to clean, or thank-you notes to write, and phone calls to make, and meals to artfully craft, etc. I rush back home at six every night to let out the dog, feed the fur-kids, and I sometimes just want it all to stop for a moment so I can breathe, so I can escape and feel free.
Eleven years ago, I broke off my engagement to my long-term boyfriend and my whole life fell on my head. With him I had spent several years drifting around town rootlessly, eating only top Ramen and other disgusting processed foods and living in 10 x 10 x 6' attic rooms with little else than a mattress to my name. All I wanted was security, a family, a place to call home. I fantasized about it — the nice house, the nice husband, kids, blah blah blah. For a long time I let myself believe that he could be that nice husband, yet in this relationship I felt truly pathetic, lonely and unloved.
As I’m writing this now, I’m realizing that it was actually an amazing time. There is something really beautiful about not knowing which f*ing end is up and where you belong.
These days, I am really far from being a homeless drifter urchin. Being settled — as a wife with a career and a home of my own — was all I wanted for years and years. And trust me when I say that I am so incredibly grateful, and that I believe that the work we've put in has been worth the while. But I’d be lying if I said I didn't miss the days when I had none of it. There was something really light about those very dark times.
I'm a dreamer. I'm also a jealous girl of those who seem to have it all. Career, family, friends, and still manage to have fun. I have to constantly remind myself...
I dream of leaving this security for the freedom of managing myself — being disciplined enough to be successful on my own terms, and without the 'grownups' breathing down my neck about deadlines I couldn't care less about. It's a-l-m-o-s-t within reach... and it feels like it just might be my time.
Friends, keep on keeping on down the long, long road. Enjoy your single life while you can. The heartbreaks, the pain, the sucky, confusing, horrible-ness of it all. Surf the couches, feel the pain, wear the heels, cry your eyes out, spend all day in the dark thinking only about youyouyou. Work your heart to it’s core and discover who you really are deep down inside. Then do it all again. You’ll find your way in this life when it’s time.
xoxo,
Chelle
It must be what a drug addict feels like — endlessly searching for that high, the adrenaline that comes with temporary fame and glory. And then the huge letdown, the crash, until it begins again. Life is cyclical.
"Fame is fleeting. Obscurity is forever. I’ll take obscurity."
- Napolean
I have a full-time job, a husband, and a hundred responsibilities: there is never a shortage of bills to pay, or clothes to wash, or dishes to clean, or thank-you notes to write, and phone calls to make, and meals to artfully craft, etc. I rush back home at six every night to let out the dog, feed the fur-kids, and I sometimes just want it all to stop for a moment so I can breathe, so I can escape and feel free.
Eleven years ago, I broke off my engagement to my long-term boyfriend and my whole life fell on my head. With him I had spent several years drifting around town rootlessly, eating only top Ramen and other disgusting processed foods and living in 10 x 10 x 6' attic rooms with little else than a mattress to my name. All I wanted was security, a family, a place to call home. I fantasized about it — the nice house, the nice husband, kids, blah blah blah. For a long time I let myself believe that he could be that nice husband, yet in this relationship I felt truly pathetic, lonely and unloved.
As I’m writing this now, I’m realizing that it was actually an amazing time. There is something really beautiful about not knowing which f*ing end is up and where you belong.
These days, I am really far from being a homeless drifter urchin. Being settled — as a wife with a career and a home of my own — was all I wanted for years and years. And trust me when I say that I am so incredibly grateful, and that I believe that the work we've put in has been worth the while. But I’d be lying if I said I didn't miss the days when I had none of it. There was something really light about those very dark times.
I'm a dreamer. I'm also a jealous girl of those who seem to have it all. Career, family, friends, and still manage to have fun. I have to constantly remind myself...
I dream of leaving this security for the freedom of managing myself — being disciplined enough to be successful on my own terms, and without the 'grownups' breathing down my neck about deadlines I couldn't care less about. It's a-l-m-o-s-t within reach... and it feels like it just might be my time.
Friends, keep on keeping on down the long, long road. Enjoy your single life while you can. The heartbreaks, the pain, the sucky, confusing, horrible-ness of it all. Surf the couches, feel the pain, wear the heels, cry your eyes out, spend all day in the dark thinking only about youyouyou. Work your heart to it’s core and discover who you really are deep down inside. Then do it all again. You’ll find your way in this life when it’s time.
xoxo,
Chelle
