Venturing down the rabbit hole...

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I have a couple friends who are obsessed with Alice in Wonderland. I wish I could tell them that this post will be all about that wonderful story - sorry friends, I'm referencing the story as a metaphor for my life changing health journey.

I'm a self-proclaimed hippie and a reluctant conspiracy theorist, but I like to think of myself as an informationalist, and a truth-seeker. In addition to being quite the flower child (most of you have been exposed to my Pinterest feed... I offer my apologies), I've always been the kind of person who's shied away from the conventional.

Perhaps this stems back to my childhood. I was raised in a household where I was not sent off to school with a traditional lunch sack filled with snack packs, cheetos and chocolate milk - but instead, healthier options like tuna sandwiches on whole grain bread with alfalfa sprouts, carrot and celery sticks, and a juice were packed for me to eat. I've never eaten cocoa-puffs, pop-tarts, or diet soda, and I proudly proclaim that I have not had McDonalds ANYTHING (don't get me started on McDonalds - so gross) in 15 years or more.

Thank God bullying was to a lesser degree when I was a child. I can't say I didn't somewhat resent my lunches as a child, but looking back, that healthy foundation has helped me make better decisions as an adult that I pride myself on.

I'll be honest, I've not always been a healthy-minded individual and the lack of caring has taken its toll for the better part of a decade, but as I've gotten older, my body and mind have reminded me that I need to take better care of it.

Getting older stinks... right???

For the better part of a year now I've been diligently and mindfully implementing self-improvements that I intend on lasting a lifetime.

This past March I took up yoga practice. Much to the chagrin of my grandmother who warned "Yoga is a religion, you know..." I attend classes on average three times a week, and I'm in love. So much so I'm sure my friends are sick and tired of hearing about how much I love yoga practice, but I was so frustrated with myself a year ago, constantly feeling sick and tired. I'm now reminded every time I leave my 6:00 AM class with calmness and the sense of accomplishment that is now measurable that you simply cannot argue with success!!

This grand pursuit of health for myself has led me to some conclusions that go against the grain – pun intended. This year I eliminated gluten from my diet.

And it's been a HUGE personal challenge for me.

I never realized how ingrained wheat is in the American diet, until I made the decision to remove it from mine. Do you remember the food pyramid from our childhood?

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If you think about it, gluten (or wheat) is in so many things: cereal, pasta, muffins, sandwiches, burgers, pizza, flour tortillas, crackers, croutons, breading on chicken or fish, cream sauces... not to mention the hidden traces of gluten. Elimination (and not replacement) of most starches has been the only way for me to be successful, and it's transformed the way I cook and eat, and look at food. It's truly been an eye opening experience - one I wouldn't trade for anything because every day I'm gluten free my gut thanks me, rather than hating me.

These two changes - practicing yoga and becoming gluten free - while big commitments in and of themselves, have resulted in a domino effect, and they are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the measures I will go to for my health. The rabbit hole goes much deeper than I've really ever admitted to publicly, until today, and I'm still venturing further!

Some of my daily practices are so ingrained in my daily routine that I often forget that I am "weird" by "normal" standards. The other day I overheard a conversation about how Brad Pitt no longer uses soap but vinegar, and how "that's soooo gross, I bet he smells like a sheepdog!", and my thought was, "Cool! I use vinegar too! Wonder what else he does to maintain an all natural lifestyle!?"

Currently I go against the norm by doing things like:

• having organic produce delivered bi-weekly
• I don't take pain relievers or antibiotics (though I am rarely sick), but gargle with warm salt water and use acupressure for headaches instead 
• I pull oil and dry-brush my skin
• we don't use deodorant or shampoo or conditioner
• I use homemade dry shampoo in between washings which are every 2-3 days, and I try to not smell like a sheepdog!
• I cleanse my face with coconut or argan oil, and don't use body wash or traditional soap
• I avoid petroleum based products, dyes and perfumes 
• I use coconut oil, baking soda and apple cider vinegar all the time

This past week I added the following to the list: juice fasting, anti-bacterial microfiber cloths, and eliminating traditional toothpaste (although I've been using fluoride free toothpaste for years) in place of a new brushing method.

Here are my thoughts on our newest changes:

• The green juices we tried have been officially dubbed by yours truly as "undrinkable green swill", and after 3/5 of the first day, the fast was off. Also, coconut water is disgusting. I felt defeated, yet optimistic - we'll revisit a juice fast once we are able to find some better green juice recipes that don't make my husband and I want to gag.
• I'm sold on microfiber cloths - goodbye paper towels!
• New brushing method is awesome so far (hubby isn't so sure, but I'll convince him yet!). I'll give a full review soon!

Here's what's next on my to-do wishlist:

• Eliminate store bought cleaning products from under my sink!
• Make my own toothpaste, and begin brushing with charcoal
• Install a whole home water filtration or a Berkey water filtration system
• Purchase a Squatty Potty
• Grow more vegetables at home
• Reduce sugar intake - and admit I'm a sugar addict
• Try fermenting
• Continue compost heap (and try to keep Mr. Red, our dog, from eating the food waste)
• Switch out non-stick cookware for cast-iron
• Find and visit a holistic dentist
• Begin chiropractic care
• Work on balancing hormones (try magnesium butter)
• Make my own all-natural makeup
• Achieve pregnancy naturally - and give birth at home, in water, with an awesome birth team
• Practice cloth diapering, breast feeding, and baby wearing with said child 

Let's just agree as friends that not everything I've chosen for myself and my health will be for everyone. But sometimes just opening your eyes and doing a little research about the products, chemicals, and methods you are accustomed to using or consuming every day can be enough to scare you into finding better and healthier options.

As for me, and my like-minded modern hippie friends (are we considered hipster??!!? is this the new hippie??), we'll continue down this rabbit hole together and someday end up "with us living on a patch of land somewhere, curing our own meats and growing our own kale!" Sounds like a grand adventure to me!

I'd love to know what healthy practices you have in place that are not considered "normal"!

xoxo,
Chelle

(P.S. Thanks for sticking with me through this long post...) :-)

Do you feel this way?

I’ll be 32 in just a few weeks.

I don’t have any problems with the age, per se. I live a fairly typical 32-year-old life, and a pretty good one at that. From the outside, I look, talk and live like a 30-something year old woman.

What I’m concerned about is that maybe on the inside I’m not where I picture a woman of my age to be.

Confident. Graceful. Sure. Settled.

In my mind, a 32-year-old doesn’t worry about what others think. She isn’t insecure. She isn’t confused or weak and certainly doesn’t question where she’s headed, or what life has in store for her. She’s got her act together and is the picture of ladylike poise.

And yet, here I sit, 6 weeks away from that confident, graceful, sure and settled ideal, feeling so very far from it.

Have you ever felt this way?

Recently I read this post about twirling – that act of pushing off everything that hinders (insecurities, failures, aspirations) and dancing through life knowing that we are loved. Not because we are doing everything right, or because we have it all together, but because He first loved us. It’s so much less about the actual dancing (a cheesy metaphor for living life) and more about the heart in knowing we are delightfully and perfectly made, just as we are.

Twirl.

So this is what bothers me: I’m nearly 32, certainly old enough both in years and in my own personal faith in Jesus to conceptually understand all this. To live this. To let go of those stupid insecurities about not being good enough, pretty enough, talented enough, successful enough… and just believe what I know to be true: that each and every one of us are exceptionally talented, created for a unique purpose and most of all, accepted through grace just as we are and not for who we ought to be.

I’ve been in a weird spot over the last year or so, plugging away, but not really sure of where I’m headed. What are my goals? What is my dream of all dreams? It’s all been a bit cloudy and unclear and so I found myself looking around at what others were doing thinking maybe that’s where I would find the answers.

She’s writing a book - I should write a book!

She’s selling all of her possessions and touring the country - I should do that!

She's got three kids, a mansion, and works from home - I should have all that by now too!

She’s (fill-in-the-blank) - I should (fill-in-the-blank)!

Unfortunately, all this did was perpetuate my confusion and frustration and bury me further in the comparison pit (a place I know all too well). We've visited this concept several times here on the blog...

... but, have you ever been there?

I’ve spent these past few months quietly praying, looking for clues, waiting and waiting and the clearest answer just came to me clear out of the blue driving home one day a few weeks ago.

I'm not certain if it was the song I was listening to, or if my train of thought just kept chugging along without me, but as I sat in the driver’s seat, I envisioned a beautiful ballet of life play out before me. And all these fears about not being good enough, not doing it right, unsure, unsettled, afraid of what others will think – suddenly I realized just how much time I’ve been wasting. I’m hiding my head under a silly paper bag watching the world fly by while everyone else does their lovely twirls and spins.

It was then that I heard this little whisper in my soul: Rochelle, do your thing.

That’s it.

Just do your thing.

That’s the answer. And it’s ridiculously simple.

Twirl.

Twirling is about unashamed dancing. It’s about delighting in our femininity. It’s about accepting God’s absolutely profound love and finding freedom. But it’s also about just doing our thing. Not only being who we are, but actually celebrating who we are. It’s a quiet confidence. Graceful presence. Living out our unique talents, seeing the beauty within each of us and sharing it with one another.

The best thing about it is that there is no magical age when it appears. I’ve been wrong all this time about that. This confidence, grace, assuredness, is available to all of us, at any age, for as long as we choose.

I love that.

I’ll be 32 in a few weeks and while I am not the picture of confidence and maturity that I envision, I feel like I’ve made a big step in that direction. I’m so tired of the insecurities. I don’t want to live with this ugly striving and unsettled discontentment. I want the freedom to do my thing. As clunky as it may be or as graceful as it be become, I just want to be who God made me to be, share my life, love and live well.

I want to twirl.

You too?

Can I be your support team - your positive reinforcement? Can you be mine?

Be encouraged, wherever you are today, that you are wonderful. You are uniquely talented. You are valuable. And because of Jesus’ great love for you, you are deemed enough.

Now, just do your thing.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow...

(photo is me pregnant with our precious rainbow baby)

The truth is I have been putting this off, I was sort of going to "breeze by" today and not mention it. But as I sat down to work on a blog post for tonight, I thought... the babies lost deserve it. They deserve to be remembered, to be celebrated. 

Our baby boy deserves it. He deserves me to revisit the heartbreak and light a candle and relive the dream we had for that precious life.

His short life was one who didn't walk here along side of me, but that one that forever changed my life. 
A brief life yet so much meaning.

October 15.

Sweet baby... I haven't forgotten. Who I am is different because of the impact you had on my life. The sweet whisper that came and left. A day doesn't go by that I don't remember you. 

So many sweet ladies out there suffer in silence. You aren't alone. 

The candle burns in sweet remembrance of our baby. For your baby. For all the ones that went straight to the feet of Jesus. There are moments, moments that take my breath away... a glimpse that he hasn't been forgotten. A little life that impacted so many so quickly. 

I love you son. Mommy and Daddy cannot wait to squeeze you so tight one day. I know that I will recognize you in an instant love. 

You are so precious to me. I love you. 
Heaven is holding you tight for me till I get there love.