Crossroads

{Are you doing what you want?}

Lately my thoughts have been directed towards making some kind of big change in my life. I have this lingering (read: nagging) thought that I should be using my brain and artistic ability to further myself in a related career. However, I am still trying to figure out exactly what I want to do and how I can possibly make a steady income inspirations and ideas in my head materialize into a marketable product. The last time I decided to start something, I established this website convincing myself that "if you build it, they will come". Kevin Costner - Ha!

Ever had that voice inside your head nag at you about something? Definitely is. Has been, for about 3 years now.

I don't want to live a life where I don't give new experiences a good college try. I don't want to be afraid of new challenges. But I am. I am terrified. Terrified of failing at doing something I love. Terrified partly because I know how quickly things could go downhill considering our terrible economy, and secondly I don't know the first thing about running my own business.  Couldn't I just be the beauty of a business?  Come up with all the brilliant ideas, execute them exquisitely and have someone brilliantly business savvy take care of all the extra messy stuff I can't be bothered with?  

Any volunteers?

Daily I remind myself that I am lucky to have a steady income and be able to afford my beautiful home and the comfortable yet modest life I live. I have a quote on my bulletin board at work that I have to read (nearly) every day - "The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without it." 

I am grateful. So, I shelve grandeur ideas of "Delightful Blooms." Who am I kidding? After all, I haven't even conjured enough gumption to print business cards for said budding business (pun intended).

I'm just not sure exactly which fork in the road is right for me just yet: 

• Etsy Shop creating custom Maps (with more than one item for purchase, and more than one sale annually)? 
• Floristry - i.e. Delightful Blooms? 
• Party Planning?
• Blogger (with little-to-no audience)?  

All these things I happily and (perhaps too) eagerly do part-part-part-part time as favors to family and friends... what remains for me is how to translate all that I do into a (reliable) paycheck.  Mortgage must be paid!

So that's where I'm at right now. All I can surmise at this time is that I know I want to do something else. 

Just very unsure about where to go from here.

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